Jeff @ home > Maura @ work, home
Hi Maura,
In the best interests of diplomacy, I must say that there are a few points that you raise in your first two handwritten offerings with which I agree whole heartedly. So how about we address these first, since we both agree. There is a lot here to work on, so I hope you are with me. I would like to suggest my own code, with A#1 referring to “Agreement #1”.
1. “The point is that this must be resolved and so despair is not an option.”
In the best interests of diplomacy, I must say that there are a few points that you raise in your first two handwritten offerings with which I agree whole heartedly. So how about we address these first, since we both agree. There is a lot here to work on, so I hope you are with me. I would like to suggest my own code, with A#1 referring to “Agreement #1”.
1. “The point is that this must be resolved and so despair is not an option.”
2. “here are my issues :
why I moved away from 100 Buchanan Road when you were 3.
why you went to Ireland w/ Mom & Dad.
why these were my only options
Will that do, for a start?”
3. “I see the issue therein to be perhaps a part of our problem : interpretation”
To each and every quote I say : “Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!!!!!!”
The following passage is designed to help with the A#3 problem addressed above.
Permit me for a moment to take us both back to the beginning of this exchange, even before email “J#1”. Maybe this will show you where I have been coming from, maybe it won’t.
Allow me to compare DIRECT quotes from two emails of yours, one dated Monday, October 18, 2004 :
“I can, however, come in January, once the holiday peak season is over, although with the high cost of fuel, airline prices are higher than I've seen them in years.”
My interpretation of this was that you COULD come in January, but that you would be hindered by the airfare. With this in mind, we sent you a check for $1000, which you immediately sent back.
I tried to interpret THIS as best as I could, but was found wanting.
Now, take what you said in that email, and compare it to this, from January 20, 2005.
“I never said for sure I would come in January, but that I would try to do so.”
From “I can, however, come in January” we are now at “I never said for sure I would come in January”. I am sure YOU knew what you meant, but this is ALL THE INFORMATION I HAD TO GO ON FROM OCTOBER TO LATE JANUARY.
This shortage of information, together with the fact that I was really hoping you would come over soon so we could sit down and have a serious discussion about the future of this family, led to frustration on my part. This frustration turned to anger, and the anger led to a barrage of emails, when a whole lot of other stuff came out that had been building up the last 35+ years.
The anger was levelled at you in its entirety, and for this I DEFINITELY DO APOLOGIZE. My despair at the situation with which I am faced was not totally caused by you and I freely admit that.
What I want to reach is a level between my incorrect assertion that you bear all responsibility, and yours that you bear none. When we acheive this, I feel we will be well on the way to a resolution. I also strongly believe that if we had not had this exchange we would quite possibly fail forever to even hope to get near such a stage.
This is where I am coming from, and I sincerely hope you interpret my intentions correctly.
I could easily type thousands of words in reply to your various other points, after which no doubt you would send back another thousand+ words, and so it would go on. If you have already written further instalments, feel free to send them, or not, should you so wish. I, for one, want to take the 3 Points of Agreement above and use them to bring this discussion somewhere constructive.
So by all means, let’s put aside the sarcasm, put aside the nit-picking, put aside the general-to-the-particular. It is getting us nowhere.
Let’s focus on when you can come over and visit so we can resolve things face to face, shall we? This would satisfy both A#1 and A#2.
The only thing I really, REALLY need is advance notice of at VERY VERY LEAST two weeks. Would this not come under the heading of common courtesy? Also, since money is a factor, it would behoove you to come before the end of June, since we may very well have alternate living arrangements by then, and you may have to stay in a hotel or b&b after that date (one of the things I was hoping to discuss with you at Xmas/January/March-ish). Now that it is well into February, please forgive me for expressing a desire to know of your plans sooner rather than later.
I genuinely hope you can overcome your various obstacles with A#1 fully in mind and be able to arrange something soon.
Yours sincerely,
Jeff
PS
“shooting fish in a barrel” = follow this link
http://home.t-online.de/home/toni.goeller/idiom_wm/id537.htm
